I found out that friends and family were keeping tabs on the kids and myself so I started to include little things about our lives, some parenting tips that have saved my sanity and the information that helped me get through my divorce and raise happy, well adjusted kids. That divorce doesn't have to mean you are alone in your venture, that a single Mom can make dinner, discipline and do fun things.
Then I thought big picture...I am journaling all of this so when my kids have moved along to college and their own lives they can look back and find a recipe or a memory and that brings me to today's post.
Today would have been my Dad's 63rd birthday. He died suddenly on September 8, 2008 and it goes without saying that I miss him everyday but some of the things that I want my kids to remember about their Papa I've decided to include to help them remember what made him so special to me.
He loved his family. They came first ALWAYS. If you wanted to see my Dad get upset, which wasn't very often in the 60 years he was here..you hurt someone he loved and you'd see a whole new side of John Rhoden.
He could fix anything and saved everything because you never knew when you would need it. And, was irritated with me on more than one occasion when I insisted on buying "new" things when he had old things that would do the same job.
He could iron like a master. He once ironed an outfit of mine that he didn't know was pre-wrinkled material until the thing stood by itself. The wrinkles never came back.
He was excellent with a needle and thread. I remember him sitting with one of my danceline outfits, stretched across his knees, sewing on sequin. He also sewed on every patch on my letter jacket.
You never wanted to ask him for an explanation of something because he had so much knowledge that he would give you all the background information first. Your eyes would roll into the back of your head and you would have to say, "Dad, the point is"?? He'd chuckle and cut to the chase.
He wasn't a reader for pleasure but if he didn't have the knowledge, he'd get a book and learn absolutely everything on the topic and then sit you down and tell you.
He didn't like to make fast decisions when it came to parenting. He needed to process. My Mom made most of the parenting "quick" decisions in our house but on the off chance you had to ask him and my Mom wasn't around for input, he'd say, "I'll give you an answer at 7:23", did I mention it was noon when you asked the question? Knowing that he was hoping you wouldn't come back at 7:23 for an answer and it had to be at 7:23 or he'd tell you that you missed the time and would have to come back at 9:12.
He realized that you give your children knowledge and expectations and then their choices are ones that they have to make and live with. He was never an "I told you so" guy instead he said, "next time you'll make a different decision".
He talked to everyone, he would figure out quickly what the person was interested in and ask them questions about that. I think that's why everyone loved him, he made you feel important. The hundreds of people that came to his funeral, EVERY single one had a story to tell you about him or what he did for them. Every person there felt a deep personal loss because he made an impact in their lives and most of them, our family knew something about them because he had shared with us their lives.
He told incredibly corny jokes. Loved a good party where he could try them out. He loved both kinds of music, Country and Western. And, was a horrible dancer but that didn't keep him off the dance floor and he always had this cheesy smile while he danced.
He was a hard worker, hardly ever missing a day and leaving a solid impression of integrity and ethics. But his job was just that, a job. He left it at the end of the day and was a family man when he walked through the door.
He had impeccable manners. He believed in treating people with respect. Yes Mam, No sir, Excuse me, Please and Thank you, were things that automatically came out of his mouth. He didn't demand that of us kids growing up, he expected it. He could also eat a chicken wing with a knife and fork.
He hardly ever swore and when he did, he sounded ridiculous because it was so foreign to him that it didn't come out with the right tone.
He loved all things Disney. Mickey's House is what he called it and he'd tell anyone who listened what his favorite thing was and how you needed to stay on the grounds for maximum fun. He rode the tea cups until his stomach was sick because he couldn't say no to Claire when she'd say, "Papa, just one more time".
As much as he liked being a parent, he enjoyed his grandkids 100 times more. He was a youthful spirit and I think the grandkids allowed him to be a kid again. He got into trouble more than once for being a little extra indulgent when it came to them.
I was eavesdropping on the kids conversation and they were comparing who was the naughtiest when they were little and Max finally said, "Papa spanked me" and they said, "you win", LOL. Papa didn't spank anyone...except Max. Papa was the calm voice of reason, the guy with a pocket full of change to get you a treat but when Max was 3 he spit at my Mom and that was that. Max never spit at anyone again.
Because I lived only a few blocks away, he picked my kids up every morning and drove them to the bus stop. He did it because he said that it was his quiet time to spend with them and to know that they were safely on their way to school.
He attended their practices, games and recitals. Yelling and hooting loud and nudging the guy next to him and saying, "that's my grandkid". Everyone he worked with knew every single grandchild's name and at least one thing of importance about them...did I mention there was 11 of them at the time?
On this day that I would have been making his favorite yellow cake with chocolate frosting I think instead of all the wonderful things that he was and I'll keep my eyes peeled for that eagle that is sure to be flying over at anything of importance because he's been there without fail even though he can't be a physical presence any longer.
This photo is on my desktop at work. I see it multiple times per day and I get comfort from that too.
I love you Dad.
2 comments:
What an amazing tribute, Christol! You had one FANTASTIC dad!!!!!!!!
Christol, this brought tears to my eyes. What a truly amazing man, and what a beautiful tribute to him. That kind of character is HARD to find, and what a precious gift that you are wise enough to know to appreciate. No wonder you're so awesome...you've got GREAT roots. (((hugs))) I wish my family and I could have known him.
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