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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Happy Birthday Dad

My Dad would have been 64 years old today. I still can't wrap my brain around that he has been gone for over 3 years. My Christmas decorations were in a box yesterday because we would have celebrated him today.

I feel cheated at times that I can't listen to more of his stories or watch him enjoy his life. I feel sad that the kids lost their Papa and that he isn't around to share their adventures.

I sometimes wish there was a word for what happened because simply saying that my Dad died isn't big enough. I want people to understand the depth of how losing someone suddenly causes your world to implode. But, I also realize that the end result is the same and at least he didn't suffer. He was a physical presence one moment and the next a spirit watching over us, protecting us. And, I don't have any regrets that I didn't tell him some thing or that I didn't say good bye because we were the kind of family that said I love you often so he knew....I knew.

As I listen every night to Claire saying her prayers and asking Papa to give her good dreams. And seeing the finger printed photo on Max's wall closest to his pillow of the two of them that I know that he touches often. It makes me eternally grateful that he made a large impact in their lives so they will keep his spirit alive.

I know he's around, hovering close on days like this and that too gives me peace but I miss him. We all miss him.

Happy Birthday Dad! We love you!!


~mj~ said...

Happy Birthday JAR. (((hugs to you, Christol)))

K :) said...

Thinking of you and your dad. What a true statement about losing someone suddenly...words aren't big enough to express that feeling. Hugs to you.